Final Entry

1 hour, 40 minutes, 40 seconds, that was my time in Sunday’s Philadelphia Half Marathon. 554th place out of almost 8400 runners, the top 6% of the field. The fastest half marathon of my life, shattering my old pr set over four years ago in New York. And equally as important, I did it injury free; no ankle pain, knee pain, or anything out of the ordinary --- just the usual soreness that accompanies running flat out for 13.1 miles.

Sunday’s race was a long way from when I started this blog two years ago. Back in 2008, I was struggling to regain my old running form. 5K’s and 10K’s were a challenge. I was slow and not quite steady, and honestly very frustrated at not being able to run as fast as I once had.

At the same time, Kate was in the thick of her battle against pancreatic cancer. After six months of treatment, she scored a huge victory by going into partial remission, and though she had hit a bit of a plateau in 2008, all of us were optimistic about her future. All she needed was that magical combination of drugs and treatment to deliver the final knockout punch, and she would be back to full health. She was determined and brave, and I really thought she was going to be one of the rare few to make it over the long haul.

I would describe 2010 as bittersweet. A year of resolution and almost getting back to the way my life was in 2006 --- before the injury, before the surgery and rehab, and before Kate and my grandfather got sick. But it can never be the same, not with the passing of Kate in June, and the day after her funeral, the passing of Grandpa from stomach cancer. Those two losses hit me like a ton of bricks, and I was overcome with sadness, guilt, anger, depression (not the clinical kind) --- all of the emotions usually associated with grief.

Yet through it all, there was one aspect of my life that was going well --- running. Every day, I was running faster and stronger. It’s like my body awakened from a four year sleep. Runs of every distance became easier, be it a 4 mile jog or 13 mile long run. And the training runs and track workouts with Anne went better than at any time since we started working together.

In a certain respect, Sunday marked the fact that I have come full circle from that horrible Saturday in January 2007 when I injured my ankle. Like the fading scar from my surgery, the events of the past four years are becoming less and less vivid in my mind, and for the first time in years, I’m eagerly looking forward to what the future holds in running and with life.

Now that I have closed this chapter in my life, I have decided to make this my last and final entry on this blog. A new blog that will solely focus on running is in the works, Matt’s Running Blog, and should be up and running (no pun intended) shortly. I will continue to maintain my efforts to raise awareness about pancreatic cancer by getting more involved with the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. I would encourage everyone to consider making a donation to support this wonderful organization and worthy cause.

Last but not least, I would like to thank all my friends and family for your incredible support over the past few years; I really could not have gotten through these challenges without you guys.

Finally ---

Rest in peace, Kate. Rest in peace, Grandpa. And may G-d bless both of you.

Matt

Kate and Me, June 2008

Grandpa and me in NYC, May 4, 2003

KATE

It is with great sadness to report that Kate passed away Saturday morning after a 3 ½ year battle with pancreatic cancer.

When I got home a little while ago, I decided to go out on the balcony. I just sat there for a while enjoying the peace and tranquility of the sun set. What stood out was the beauty of the few remaining rays of sun reflecting off of the clouds. And then I started to think about Kate, and I couldn’t help but think that if there really is a heaven, Kate is up there right now enjoying the view. And for a brief moment today I felt like smiling rather than crying, and with that, the realization that Kate had suffered for way too long, and that she deserves the peace of this beautiful evening. I am confident she is at peace, and no one deserves it more than her.

In less than one week, I am running in the Lawyers Have a Heart 10K. It was 10 years ago that Kate and I first ran this race together. Ten years ago that she was encouraging and cajoling me, and yes even telling me to stare at a pretty girl’s butt (see last blog entry), to get me to finish the race. That was Kate in a nutshell --- determined, competitive, caring, funny, kind, and just an all-around great friend. I’m not sure what sort of emotions I’ll experience on Saturday. But I do know this, that although Kate has left us here on Earth, her spirit will be with me from the starting gun to the finish line.

Kate spent the last month of her life at a hospice facility in Rockville, and I knew this day was coming. Still, I am in disbelief and shock about her passing. I wish I could write more eloquently about what a wonderful and terrific person she was, but I don’t think I could do her justice. Instead, I commend to everyone a wonderful entry on her blog reporting the sad news: http://www.katethaxton.com/survivingpc/

Rest in peace, Kate.

10 Year Anniversary

9 years and 11 months ago, almost to the day, Kate and I ran the Lawyers Have a Heart 10K together. As those of you who read my blog two years ago remember, Kate not only is the person primarily responsible for getting me into the sport of running, but also the one who provided me a great motivational technique during the struggles of a big race --- stare straight ahead at a cute girl’s butt and run fast. I have heeded her advice many times and with much success!!!!

This year’s Lawyers Have a Heart is about one month away, and as race day approaches, I can’t help but think of Kate and that day almost 10 years ago: June 17, 2000. Her finishing time was 58 minutes, 45 seconds, good for a 9:33 per mile pace. Of course, her motivational technique worked all too well, and as she always reminds me, I ditched her, sprinted ahead, and finished in 58:35, a mere 9 seconds faster (yes, that blonde’s butt in front of me was quite something!)

Unfortunately, Kate has taken a turn for the worse over the past month, and about two weeks ago she moved to a hospice facility in Rockville, MD. I have visited several times, and although she is not doing well, pancreatic cancer cannot take away what’s really important --- her heart, her soul, and the inner being that makes her such a great wife, daughter, colleague, and most importantly for me, a great friend. If you happen to read this post, please say a prayer for Kate and her family.